Listening to the Voices in my Head

Who wouldn't thunk it

I found a great use for all the excess hand sanitizer. Get a small microfiber cloth, squirt some on it, make sure the cloth is damp with it.

If your computer is on, open notepad and close everything else. Maximize note pad, and start cleaning. It's easier if your computer is off, but with notepad on you can actually see which keys get used the most.

The simplest thing tires me out

I really don't know how much longer I'm going to be on antibiotics, but I am well and truly tired of taking them three times a day. Using the inhaler makes me dizzy, because you have to hold your breath between the two doses. And ick. And I'm not kidding about how tired I am. I took a slurp of coffee, and before I swallowed it, I fell asleep. It's just a damned good thing my choking reflex is good or I would have inhaled some.

Isis has found the best spot to catch some ray to solar charge. The telescope box next to the antique altar table. Even on a cloudy day, she can catch some UV to warm her up.

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Not too much happening

Still recovering from upper respiratory infection. I don't mind taking the antibiotics, but that steroid inhaler makes everything taste funny, even if I rinse and brush.

Been thinking at lot about Loki. I miss him so much, but I'm so grateful that the last few weeks, he would seek me out, and I would make a blanket bed on my desk for him, or he would snug up to my leg on the footstool. I think he was seeking me out for whatever comfort as only his human could give him.

I'm still having trouble reconciling a otherwise healthy cat getting oral cancer. But I knew on that day, I had to let him go, no matter how much heartache it gave me.

I remember telling him, when I first picked him up at Cat Haven, some day you're going to break my heart.

#loki, #illness

Ok, let's see if this works

I have followed the instructions that Typepad support gave me, regarding being able to use a '3rd party' program, rather than posting via their webpage.

I know this works for WordPress. Not too sure about Blogger. Posting a blog entry should not be so laborious!

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It's been a crap week

Last Sunday, when walking around a corner to MiL's favorite noodle house, I walked into a thick cloud of cigarette smoke. In one day, I went from an asthmatic with seasonal allergies to having a severe upper respiratory infection.  The high fever gave me something else, too, but hey, gotta keep something out of the public.

Of course, my GP Dr H was on vaycay (Grand Finals) and I couldn't get an appointment with the doc covering his patients.

I put a call out to the group mind, aka Facebook, to ask what to do.  And I got results. Doctor's on Demand. Only irritation I had was I paid for a 15 min video consultation, and got a 4 min 15 second phone call.  Regardless, I did get the needed antibiotics, and BONUS! a steroid inhaler.

I am feel physically better (still coughing, but no blood anymore), but I also at the same time feel so much pain. This is the first time I have been seriously ill and not have Loki there with me.  I haven't been able to rest/sleep during the day, because he isn't there. He would curl up next to or on me, emitting a low rumbling purr until I fell asleep. He would be there when I woke up. Wing and Alan keep telling me to go take a nap, and I just put on the proper face, smile and say not sleepy. I run myself into exhaustion so when I do go to bed, the pain because of the empty place where he should be fades. Only to have to go through it again another day.

I got an email from PRA

They informed me that Isis' sibling, who was adopted 4 weeks before we got Isis, died of FIP and Isis might have been exposed.
This is not the kind of news one wants to hear.

Especially after making an appointment for our vet to give her a once over, and have her vaxxes recorded there. Isis was her wriggly squirming self when I told the vet about the possible exposure to the feline corona virus which can develop into FIP. Some blood was taken (*that's another horror story in itself) after putting her in a "twilight sleep" via 'The Box", because she wriggled too much.

Got a phone call from the vet this morning that the testing lab said there is no way to text for feline corona virus, and that typically a positive FIP test comes from testing the fluid in a distended/swollen abdomen.  And with the way Isis was so bright, squirmy, wriggly, trilling, if she was exposed the same time her sibling was, she would have had symptoms by now. All is well.

*The horror story: while waiting in the vet's waiting room, a nurse comes out, thrusting this limp, head drooped, tongue hanging out, floppy thing that was supposed to be Isis at me. No pet carrier, just the above.

I swear, I stopped breathing for a few minutes. I saw her head rear back, eyes unfocused. I 'curled' her up, and held her firmly.
 
Turns out there was an emergency in the back, and they had to do a resuscitation. She started coming to, and she had claws out. We got our pet carrier back, and Wing managed to get her back into it, and she recovered from the "Twilight sleep".

We went and did it

I saw this perfect little void floof/house panther.  She isn't a replacement for Loki. Even my counselor said getting her was a good move, as she in no way resembled any of our previous moggies.

Her name: Her rescue name was "Gladys". No, thank you. I had considered calling her Bastet. But reconsidered because of how anyone with Aussie accent would say that name. It would sound like how Aussies say "Bastard" (BAHsted)  So, I selected a different Egyptian goddess' name with a strong Ess sound. 

Isis. And she already responds to it. She is a beautiful melanistic tabby. But we will just say black cat.

I saw this perfect little void floof/house panther.  She isn't a replacement for Loki. Even my counselor said getting her was a good move, as she in no way resembled any of our previous moggies.

Her name: Her rescue name was "Gladys". No, thank you. I had considered calling her Bastet. But reconsidered because of how anyone with Aussie accent would say that name. It would sound like how Aussies say "Bastard" (BAHsted)  So, I selected a different Egyptian goddess' name with a strong Ess sound. 

Isis. And she already responds to it. She is a beautiful melanistic tabby. But we will just say black cat.

Isis. And she already responds to it. She is a beautiful melanistic tabby. But we will just say black cat.

I saw this perfect little void floof/house panther.  She isn't a replacement for Loki. Even my counselor said getting her was a good move, as she in no way resembled any of our previous moggies.

Her name: Her rescue name was "Gladys". No, thank you. I had considered calling her Bastet. But reconsidered because of how anyone with Aussie accent would say that name. It would sound like how Aussies say "Bastard" (BAHsted)  So, I selected a different Egyptian goddess' name with a strong Ess sound. 

Isis. And she already responds to it. She is a beautiful melanistic tabby. But we will just say black cat.

Isis. And she already responds to it. She is a beautiful melanistic tabby. But we will just say black cat.

Isis. And she already responds to it. She is a beautiful melanistic tabby. But we will just say black cat.

I knew it was bound to happen

And it did, last night.

We had our first feline interloper in our back yard last night. It walked around the back yard, unchallenged. Without the voice of Loki, Lord of the Manor, and his scent lessened, if not totally washed away by the recent rain, it was bound to happen.

I just didn't know it would be so soon.

It’s been too quiet

Loki's absence is truly felt. No snoring which could be heard from across the room. No rumbling purr. Even the kittens (who aren't really kittens anymore) aren't as vocal.  They keep looking for him. I know how they feel.

I have Loki's urn on my desk, slightly in the way of viewing my monitor, in keeping with how he would do so in life.

I miss my constant companion. I miss my left leg being warmed by him laying against it, resting his head on my shin. I miss shutting things down, and looking over to him and saying "I'm going to bed. You coming?" and him getting up and following me.

More that i miss:

His night time snuggling/cuddling.
Him head-butting my hand in the morning, followed by using his head to shove my sleep mask off.
Meowing and snogging my ear and nose to get me up in the morning.
Following me around for my daily walk outside.
Keeping me company when I did some gardening.

Loki, I will forever miss you in my life.

The Lord of the Manor has passed

Loki, my beautiful cat, has crossed the rainbow bridge. We took him to the vet this evening, in hopes that some antibiotics and pain meds would ease his discomfort for a little while longer, but alas, that wasn't meant to be.

The cancer had spread very rapidly and was now over the back of his tongue. It was only because I asked him that he ate yesterday. That was his last 'rally'. The sarcoma was not only infected by necrotic. All there would be left for Loki was slow, painful starvation. I made the decision, as much as my heart and soul screamed for me to take him home with me just for a few more days.

We were given a room. I combed him into blissful relaxation, and waved for the vet to enter when she ever so gently knocked.  The 'sleep' shot... it wasn't even halfway emptied and his head fell into my hand. I cupped it until the rest of it was injected. 

He has no more pain now, but I am shattered.  I want my imperious Lord of the Manor, on my desk, demanding to be brushed. 

If only love could actually have healed.