Listening to the Voices in my Head

I guess I don't bounce back like I used to

I'm still getting so tired after doing the simplest of tasks. Even taking a shower and getting dressed makes me feel as if I am in need of a good nights' sleep, starting before noon. Nagging cough hasn't quite gone away.

In better news, Isis has settled right in. She makes the boy's lives a bit more.. umm active, they being the dignified 3 yr olds. She trills at them, rolls over, and tries to get them to interact. And when they ignore her overtures, she waits, and then elegantly drapes herself on their back as they walk by. She's a black cat, so she goes with all varieties of cats. :D

I got an email from PRA

They informed me that Isis' sibling, who was adopted 4 weeks before we got Isis, died of FIP and Isis might have been exposed.
This is not the kind of news one wants to hear.

Especially after making an appointment for our vet to give her a once over, and have her vaxxes recorded there. Isis was her wriggly squirming self when I told the vet about the possible exposure to the feline corona virus which can develop into FIP. Some blood was taken (*that's another horror story in itself) after putting her in a "twilight sleep" via 'The Box", because she wriggled too much.

Got a phone call from the vet this morning that the testing lab said there is no way to text for feline corona virus, and that typically a positive FIP test comes from testing the fluid in a distended/swollen abdomen.  And with the way Isis was so bright, squirmy, wriggly, trilling, if she was exposed the same time her sibling was, she would have had symptoms by now. All is well.

*The horror story: while waiting in the vet's waiting room, a nurse comes out, thrusting this limp, head drooped, tongue hanging out, floppy thing that was supposed to be Isis at me. No pet carrier, just the above.

I swear, I stopped breathing for a few minutes. I saw her head rear back, eyes unfocused. I 'curled' her up, and held her firmly.
 
Turns out there was an emergency in the back, and they had to do a resuscitation. She started coming to, and she had claws out. We got our pet carrier back, and Wing managed to get her back into it, and she recovered from the "Twilight sleep".

I know this sounds gross, but it works.

If because of over load of drool because of the medication, or just difficultly in his picking up something to eat, I dump the bits of beef into a paper towel, and blot the slobber off of them, and wipe dish, replace beef bits and he eats them all. And Dr M did say the length of time left is linked to his being able to eat.  #felinecancersucks

I feel as if I have been awake for days

It was an emotional day. We found out that Meloxicam is Loki's best course at this time. It will reduce the swelling of the ulcer, and kill the pain.  It's working if his wanting to be fed several times a day since being on a regular dose schedule. He's also been climbing up on me for a cuddle, which he hadn't done in weeks.

I had been holding it together since Loki's cancer diagnosis. I lost that 'tough stuff' shell yesterday. Just saying his name and the tears started. Once they started, it was really difficult to get them under control, so I didn't try. My body feel so sore. Amazing how much of your musculature is involved in crying.

That's about all. I am going to take it easy today. Not that I really have a choice. Just doing the dishes makes me want to take a nap

The shock of Loki's cancer diagnosis has passed... sort of

We can't go reading more than what is normal cat behavior as something nefarious. 

Yes, we knew at 16 years old, our time with Loki is limited, but we didn't expect the time to be so cruelly pushed forward in such a manner.  The thing is, he doesn't know he's ill. And for as long as he is not in pain, still doing all things a cat does, he will be loved and cared for.

Anyone with a pet knows that someday, that pet will break their hearts. I even said it to "Arty" (his name before he earned his name) when I first cradled him in my arms. "One day, you're going to break my heart."  Not broken yet, but there are cracks. And they hurt.

I think we might be living over a radioactive site

I bring Loki to the vet for a dental scaling, and am rewarded with the knowledge that he has aggressive non-squamous cell cancer under his tongue, not just an infected cut as the vet thought it was.

I am fucking gutted over this.  Yes, I know Loki is 16 years old, but he is HEALTHY. Heart, lungs, kidneys, liver, all the things that are supposed to start failing are as healthy as a 10 year old cat. What's the fucking good of being healthy?

I have no idea how the young'uns are going to handle it. Groo and Drax have glommed onto Loki, as he has never done anything to hurt them, and has even licked their faces clean. 

Dr M said it's just bad luck to have 4 cats, with 4 different kinds of terminal cancer.

We will have to play this by ear. Since this tumor can't be totally removed, how about removing part of it when it makes eating difficult?  I know that would be a stop gap, but as long as he's eating, sleeping, grooming, purring, just being a cat, I want to give him as much quality time as I can, and me enough time to try to come to terms with this... if I ever will.

The art of the polite, and public, complaint

I had been wrangling (textually) with PetCover regarding Loki's lumpectomy. And after many of what I took to be (and were) condescending and patronizing replies, I let my fingers do the walking, and gave them a 1 star rating on Google Review, and with out rancor I typed up the time line of everything that happened.

Someone from the parent company replied, but I hadn't bothered to read it.

Next day, I got a phone call from M***. He told me this entire mess was because he has misread my email, thought I wanted it canceled. Not only is Loki's insurance reinstated (with handy dandy monthly installments instead of huge lump sum) but a huge hunk of change was rebated from his lumpectomy.

I am very satisfied with this outcome, but why the heck didn't they do this at the outset, instead of leaving me in tears over them canceling Loki's policy, then denying the claim?  Well, we are all human and make mistakes, and I for one am grateful to M*** for getting this tangled mess straightened out. Thank you.

Booked Trance for an ultrasound

Wing was on pins and needles the night before. Still was when he took her in at her 11am appointment.

Results: She's free of any other growths/tumors.  Wing pretty much sagged with relief, and said "YES!"  Now, she will go in for scans every 3 to 6 months. IOWs, as soon as her fur grows back, it had to get shaved again

And the hits just keep coming

Loki's lump was sent to pathology. Results aren't the same as the last lump. It isn't a lipoma, but soft tissue sarcoma. The vet said there was no way to get 'clean margins' as it was on his ankle.

Vet said it would grow back quickly, too.  He said the only way to make sure all the sarcoma is gone is to amputate his back leg. He's 15, almost 16 years old. I don't know if he would recover from it.

4 Cats with different types of cancer. Vets keep saying it's 'bad luck'.  My heart feels like it's breaking.

I don't know if I can go through this again

Trance and Loki both had lumps removed a week ago Saturday. Samples were sent off to pathology.

Trance has hemangiosarcoma (HSA) is a cancer that arises from malignant blood vessel cells and is an uncommon cancer in cats. It is a very aggressive cancer that spreads (metastasis) early and is associated with a poor prognosis. The underlying cause of HSA is unknown. Vet said it was just bad luck, because it's usually in dogs, not cats. And if it is in cats it usually in light furred outdoor cats, and Trance is a dark furred indoor cat.

I haven't been able to completely stop crying. First it was Ziggy, then Keito, and now Trance? Three different types of cancer, each of them 'bad luck'? I feel as if my heart is being crushed.

Seems my early rising wasn't Loki's fault.

Alan told me that Wing didn't go to bed until 2 a.m. as he was up working into the wee hours. That threw Loki's schedule off. If Wing was up, that meant it was time for Loki's cuddle, as he is a creature of habit.