Listening to the Voices in my Head

I miss you.

I miss you. I catch myself watching and waiting for you to come out of your hidey-hole in the closest.  Or waiting for you to come into the bathroom when I'm 'busy', to demand pats and pets. Looking for you in the window, 'solar charging'.

I miss the feel of your light landing on the bed, and the delicate way you would start walking up my foot, ankle, leg, hip, side, to sit on my arm/shoulder to bat and paff me on the cheek, or nose. Or to gently bite my cheek, purring so hard. 

I miss you peeking at me over the curtain, meowing because it was "Time to eat!".  I miss that when you were standing at the side door, you would look at my reflection, right into my eyes, and know that was me, meow to be let out to sit on your cushion. I miss you knocking on the door to be let back in. I miss you meeping at me when I said "Echo, bedroom light on" thinking I was talking to you.

I miss how you never left my side when I was sick, or would stay with me after I got home from being at the hospital, and how you would let me 'cry in your fur' when I was down.

I miss you in a myriad of small ways, that has left a hole in me, that will take a long time to heal.

I miss you.

#keito

Silver linings aren't always great

Had the MRI on my left knee after an exam by Mr S (osteo surgeon)

My silver lining is this: if it wasn't for the lack of sensitivity/feeling in my left leg because of spinal surgery 9+ years ago and the nerve damage occurring when the disc collapsed, requiring said surgery, I would be in considerable pain.

You see, my left knee is bone on bone, with the small exception of an itty bitty piece of meniscus on the outside left of the knee. The weight bearing inside right of the knee.. it's gone.   I also have nothing but serous fluid behind my knee cap.  Yup, I need another knee replacement.

So, my 'silver lining' is preventing me from feeling pain.  Mr S said I would know when it's time.  Right now, I can get around without much of a problem. And since I am still struggling with the nerve pain, and recovery from the surgery for the compartment syndrome, I'm rather grateful for my dead-ish feeling leg.

On happy/sad news, I got a stainless steel bracelet for "Keito's Heart Pendant".   I also had his fur filled pendant engraved with a small ornate K and Ziggy's fur filled pendant engraved with an equally ornate Z.  I'm still crying about the loss of Ziggy and Keito.  Last week, I got tired of waiting for the mythical "time" to be found to help me, so dug a hole in the back yard, sprinkled some of both Keito and Ziggy's ashes in it, and planted a young rosemary shrub.  I cried my eyes out afterward.  I miss them more than I thought I would, especially Keito. 

Keito is home

I've placed the toy mice he would hoard, and the laser pointer that gave him so many hours of play time trying to catch the red bug next to his urn.  My heart is both breaking and numb at the same time. 

Keito, two plus weeks post op

He's definitely put some weight back on. He no longer has bony face/cheeks.  Also, his back doesn't feel like a stegosaurus, meaning weight gain. Called South Street Vet to postpone Keito's fructosamine test, as he was at the vet overnight a few times the past month, and his BGLs were fine.  Since we are concentrating on his having Chemo, the fructosamine test can wait.

Ziggy still has her cough, but it's not as severe.  The Bisolvon works to break up the mucus, but turns her into a very sleepy cat.  And when that happens Wing wrings his hands in worry.  Today, Ziggy has only had one coughing episode, and it was over in less than a minute.  If she has another, we will dose her with the Bisolvon, and she will end up sleeping the night through.  As long as she isn't in any discomfort, is eating, drinking, and doing other cat things, she will stay with us.  We know time is limited, but we will love her as long as she is with us.

Vet report on Keito

Vet report on Keito - the vet was very pleased at Keito's recovery. Not only has the surgical site healed perfectly, our moggie has put on some weight. He should be seeing how much he's been catching up on missed meals.

Regarding the diagnosis of lymphoma: There are three treatments.

We could just treat the symptoms, which would suppress them a while, and it will come raging back in 3 to 6 months.

Another option: there is a treatment for small cell lymphoma. It does work, but it's toxic. Keito doesn't have small cell lymphoma. So gave that one the flick.

Third option: It's the most used one. It has a 25% chance of cure (wishful thinking) and a 75% chance of a 1 to 3 (or longer)  year remission. The protocol is given by weight, so his low weight isn't an issue. AND because the lymphoma was caught early, gives him a damned good chance of remission. We have chosen option three. The vet said I have reasonable expectations. Sure, a cure would be great, but that is a slim chance. He said remission is very likely.

Also discussed Ziggy and her coughing. We were given the name of an OTC cough remedy that would work to break up the mucus. It's not a cure, but it will help her breathing. As long as she eats, does other cat things, and her gums are pink and her ears are pink and warm, she will stay with us.

Take another little piece of my heart out

Keito was xrayed and a mass was seen in his gut.  Surgery was scheduled immediately
He came though the surgery just fine. There was a 6cm necrotic blockage in his intestine. It had ruptured slightly, which is what caused the infection, and what was quashing his appetite. The blockage was removed, an extra 4cms from either end of the resection removed to get clean margins, and stitched back together. A swollen lymph node near the blockage was removed just to be safe.
Kidneys, liver, spleen heart, lungs, all good.  Pristine was the word the vet used.

Sent the blockage off to pathology for testing.  The results.  Keito has lymphoma. Don't know what stage it is, or how involved it is. Will be seeing vet tomorrow to discuss palliative care (low doses of presnidone ) vs chemo.

I'm gutted, because the surgical vet said he did open the mass and it didn't look like any sort of cancer he had ever seen.
First Ziggy, with lung cancer, and now Keito, Mister Meow-Gi, the Purrminator? 

Keito has turned into a cranky old man

Before dawn, I felt a nip on the back of my upper arm. This isn't anything unusual, as it's something Keito has done for years. But when he didn't get the response he wanted, he *bit* me. Hard enough to bruise and break the skin, but not hard enough to bleed.

I yelled at him, swatted at him, and told Wing to put him outside. My upper arm looks like I have a healed miniature vampire bite.