Listening to the Voices in my Head

Why do I keep doing this?!

Why?  Because, in the long run, it will be good for me. But right now, today, after seeing Meg, then Simon (exercise and physio therapists) I feel as if I have been dropping in a food processor equipped with blunt blades.

Humor is an excellent way to pass a painful ordeal

I thought Simon the Sadist was a tough physio-therapist. That isn't anything compared to him as an exercise therapist.  As an exercise therapist, he makes you push yourself, but not to the point you cause damage. 

Picture this: while getting ready to do a session on the reformer, of which there are two of them, our typical exchange.

Simon: Ok, we're going to work on the abs today.
Me: Sure, you may proceed.
Simon: Alright, we can both do them.
Me: (looking down at one of the reformers) I don't think we'll both fit.

(I get myself settled and start doing the prescribed exercise)

Simon: How many was that?
Me: I don't know. Keeping count is YOUR job!

(climbing off reformer, and there is NO graceful way of doing so, trust me)

Simon: So, what's you plans for today?
(I make grand hand gesture pointing towards him)
Simon: And the rest of the week?
(repeat first gesture)

He had me do some laps around the place, hold 3kg weights in each hand.

My hand are so sore today, along with the abs running down along the ribs... and my shoulders.  He needs to pad the shoulder stops, because I wear an anti-gravity device (aka bra) and those stops really make the straps dig in.

Early to bed, Early to rise

Doesn't do a damned thing. 

I went to bed early, because I had an appointment to see my exercise therapist.  I groggily get up, manage to get dressed. Staggered off to get first cup of coffee in the morning. In between sips of coffee, got my hair brushed and braided. Readied by bottle of cold water, and when 8am rolled around, we hit the road.

I get there, and get asked why I am there. I tell the 'receptionist in training' that I have an 8:30am session with Meg.  She said no I didn't. Uhh, I have been seeing Meg on Monday and Friday for the past almost 2 months (exception when it was a Wednesday and Friday, because Monday was a holiday.) 

Now, I had/have the card with the appointment times and dates, but I put them on my phone and left the card on my desk.

We get shown the door. I found out the hard way and stress and agitation fires up the old GERD. I came home. Took  photograph of my appointment card, and emailed it to them. By now, I have chewed two antacid tablets.

2 hours later, I get this weak, wishy-washy excuse that Simon, my physiotherapist deleted the appointment. How he has access my exercise therapists' calendar is beyond me.

So, here I am, trying to stay calm. Even took a short nap. But I am still gritting my teeth. If *I* cancelled an appointment without notifying them, I would get charged some fee. But they can do it to ME and I just have to let it slide.

Pardon me if this post is a tad rambling

Or sort of incoherent.

Three days ago, my left calf, and behind my knee, and hamstring, and my annoying fused back started hurting a lot. I wasn't worried, because I had an upcoming visit with the physio, "Simon The Sadist" for a session.

To say my physio session rushed would be an understatement.  Yes, they were trying to clear up all clients before the up coming long holiday, and he, personally, was taking some time off. Good for him, but I felt I had been given the bums' rush. And I was charged $61 for the privilege.

Today, when I got up, I was in worse shape than I was BEFORE session. Tried to do some of my rehab exercises, and for all my efforts, I almost fell over, my knee kept giving out. I left comment on the "PhyApp" regarding it.. before I took something for the pain. Meds I haven't had to use October last year.

Yes, I hurt that f*cking much. With better living through (legal) chemistry, the acute pain is now just a dull ache. I can deal with that.

Another day, another list of aches and pains

Simon the Sadist altered the list of rehab exercises.  I do try to them all every day, but some days are harder than others.  This morning on the stationary bike, I had about 4 rotations of the pedals where the tendons felt as if they were being scraped across jagged rocks.  (#6 on the scale from 1 to 10). I didn't stop, I kept going because I had to. The pain faded, and I managed the full 10 minutes. 

On an aside, I have found two perfect songs for a 10 minute ride. Both are Moody Blues songs. "Nights in White Satin" and "Question".

And in other news, I have decided to become a dual citizen. U.S./Australia.  With the anger in the world today, I don't want to travel on a U.S. passport, even though I have an Australian visa. I am not giving up my U.S. citizenship, but I don't want to be 'stuck' . The good news is because I am an 'old fart', I won't have to sit the Citizenship test, just an interview.

There's physiotherapy

And there is household chores.  Both leave you achey, stiff and sore. From the neck down. But with cleaning up the house, scrubbing, washing, sweeping, you can see progress.

Trying to bridge using my left leg only not only hurts like hell, I can't DO it. Ever since the calcified disc collapsed, and I had a spinal fusion, my left leg has been weak. I can push 120kgs on the leg press with both legs, or with the right leg alone. 25kgs and my knee is stuck on my chest.  If this wasn't the case, I wouldn't have a whole bunch of unused dancing gear.

But, you know something? I feel bad if I let the physiotherapist down.

Taking bets (virtual ones)

Husband and son set up my physio table last night.  So, today, I did the 'bridging' exercise, the lay on back and pull heel as close to the butt as you can, and the cross legs at the ankles, keeping the surgical leg in the back (the left one in this case) and using the right foot to assist, bend the left leg as far back as you can (to discomfort). 

Got done with that, and used the washing machine for balance, slowly shifted weight from the right foot, to the left, and lifting the right foot off the floor, until at least 90% of the weight is on the left foot.  Repeat, but going the other way, from left to right.

Here's where the virtual betting comes in.  Will I:

A: Hop out of bed, ready to start a new day.

B: Groan, and using right heel on side of bed, haul my self to sitting position, kind of glad it's a new day.

C: Groan, try to move, and realize my legs, glutes and abdomen wish it was yesterday, and just stay in bed.

8 weeks post-op

Had session with Hayden the Horrible. I told him I'd had a session with Matt the Torturer five years ago on my right knee, and it lamed me for the better part of the week.  He wanted to know when. (sardonic laugh)

I searched through my blog last night, using different tag. And hurray, I found the exact date. Since I don't have his exact email address at SporTreat, I sent it in as a general message, asking it to be forwarded to Hayden.

Session was good, but as usual, my left leg is really complaining a lot. Got a bit of swelling around the knee. Regardless of that, I did get some good news. Hayden said that he can tell I've 'put the work in' about home exercises and walking. And it shows that I am on the right side of the bell curve, but he won't tell me what it is, because he thinks I'll go "Good enough." and discontinue the exercising/rehab on the leg.

He needs to talk to Matt, or Meg The Merciless.  I don't just up and quit just because something is going right.  If anything, it increases my determination to do what needs to be done, be damned about temporary discomfort. He's sorta new, but after a few more weeks, he will see I am up for challenges to get my leg strong.

And I had almost forgotten what it was like

I had my first appointment with Hayden The Horrible, physioterrorist. And as usual, I hurt more today than I did yesterday. He did find out, as Matt The Torturerer, and Simon The Sadist, I have a high tolerance for pain.

Got a new regimen of exercises, which I did expect. What I didn't expect was to be told to stop using any walking aids if I was walking somewhere I didn't have to worry about how fast I get from place A to place B.  This kind of scares the bejeebus out of me, because we have this HUGE wide open area in the house, where there is nowhere for me to reach out should I start losing my balance, or if my left leg folds, or an ankle decides it wants to roll again.

I have ONE lace up ankle support, but there are issues. First off, I have two ankles. Secondly, if I wear it, my shoes don't fit. I do have some of those elastic type, but they aren't comfortable for a AA heel.  Really digs in painfully after about 2 hours, maximum.

YAY! It's *not* all in my head.

I had a very exacting and precise examination of my left knee, and its surrounds. Here is the prognosis:

S***** has had an MRI scan and orthopaedic review, with the opinion that no surgery is indicated. There are medial meniscal changes as well as knee OA and some signs of anterior knee oedema following her injury on her MRI. She had a local knee cortisone injection which she reports flared her knee for three weeks and provided no overall benefit.

S***** remains very limited in her walking capacity, requiring a walking stick even for short distances. She reports prior to her injury, she was increasing exercise under supervision, losing weight and walking on uneven surfaces without difficulty. *

**** has a combination of local underlying knee pain as well as signs of increased pain sensitisation (including localised sharp hyperalgesia). Her knee strength is mainly limited by pain inhibition. Her antalgic gait is likely also impacting on her recent increase in low back pain.

Got the crutches (uhh yay?) and have been told to use them when walking around outside of the house. Fun fun. Now, I will wait until I hear from Meg The Merciless as to how we shall proceed. And in the meantime, find a pool somewhere, as swimming was one of the recommended things to do.