Listening to the Voices in my Head

How about that. 2021

I made it. A bit battered, bruised, and dented, but I made it.

I keep counting down the days until Drumpf is given his walking papers, but I am worried about what he and his cronies will to to f**k things up before they leave.  Yes, he and his crew are that spiteful and petty.

Wing had a trapeziectomy (save you the google time, he had bone removed from his left wrist because of stage 4 osteoarthritis) and then some of his own body parts used to create a capsule to give the long thumb bone a place to sit.  His hand is already in the proper "hold a can" position. Dr L is very pleased with the results. Now comes the hard yards, of slow physical therapy, and monotonous exercises.  He's doing quite well.

My left knee. Hmm. Today I saw my GP, and told him about the less then stellar performance of Dr B L.  Dr H examined my knee, and said, nope it's not all in my head. There is degenerative arthritis in my knee, and with amount of grinding in there, yeah, it's painful.  He said the medication suggested when I finally get to see the psychiatrist Dr B L referred me to (haven't seen said person yet) is not just an antidepressant, but can also calm nerve pain.  I will keep using the lidocaine patches on the knee to make the skin surface less painful. He has also increased a non-opiate medication dose.  He said if the psychiatrist Dr B L referred me to doesn't contact me in a month, call him and he will write the prescription himself.

He knows me. He knows that when my right knee was going, I was walking around lakes to get photos of wild life. Walking around the woods, and other places, even though yeah, it hurt.  I haven't been doing that with how my left knee is. I have to use a cane, because not only does it hurt worse, it feels like it's going to fold all the time.

I just want the pain dulled. I know the knee will need replacement (family history of osteoarthritis in the knees; mother, aunt, grandmother, great grandmother, and now me).

Silver linings aren't always great

Had the MRI on my left knee after an exam by Mr S (osteo surgeon)

My silver lining is this: if it wasn't for the lack of sensitivity/feeling in my left leg because of spinal surgery 9+ years ago and the nerve damage occurring when the disc collapsed, requiring said surgery, I would be in considerable pain.

You see, my left knee is bone on bone, with the small exception of an itty bitty piece of meniscus on the outside left of the knee. The weight bearing inside right of the knee.. it's gone.   I also have nothing but serous fluid behind my knee cap.  Yup, I need another knee replacement.

So, my 'silver lining' is preventing me from feeling pain.  Mr S said I would know when it's time.  Right now, I can get around without much of a problem. And since I am still struggling with the nerve pain, and recovery from the surgery for the compartment syndrome, I'm rather grateful for my dead-ish feeling leg.

On happy/sad news, I got a stainless steel bracelet for "Keito's Heart Pendant".   I also had his fur filled pendant engraved with a small ornate K and Ziggy's fur filled pendant engraved with an equally ornate Z.  I'm still crying about the loss of Ziggy and Keito.  Last week, I got tired of waiting for the mythical "time" to be found to help me, so dug a hole in the back yard, sprinkled some of both Keito and Ziggy's ashes in it, and planted a young rosemary shrub.  I cried my eyes out afterward.  I miss them more than I thought I would, especially Keito. 

It hasn't even been three weeks

And I know I shouldn't expect it any other way, but I miss Ziggy.
She was so much a part of my day, and daily routine.  She would climb up onto the arm of my chair, and from behind, tap me on the should when she wanted something.  I would open the window, and she would hop up on the sill to look outside.  She also had a special set of meows for "Feed me", "I'm bored, let's play", "Hey, this is in my way!" (when she wanted in the closet) and she would dig at her sofa tent when it wasn't arranged to her liking, or if she wanted her wheat bags heated up.

I was cleaning my office, and my eyes kept getting drawn to the spots she would normally be, and it was like a twist in my guts.  I took a toy and put it under the blanket on the sofa, where Ziggy used to sleep. Her 'sofa tent'. It's a mind fake, but at least it stops the hurt for a little while.

I had one rather unfeeling person just say "Get another cat."  (and yes, it was unfeeling, as the person went on to say one cat is pretty much like another).  I was polite, and said "Thank you, but no thanks."

Non-pet owners don't understand. It's not just losing an animal. It's losing a member of your family.  Pardon me while I go cry for a while... again.

Ziggy is home.

Brett from Lawnswood brought Ziggy home yesterday afternoon.

I’m now wearing the sealed locket containing a bit of her fur.

Also, they went a bit extra, and not only brought her home, brought some of her fur home for us, too.

Much crying has and is being done.

Ziggy had a seizure

Ziggy just had an episode of thrashing around, as if in a panic. Then she was gasping for air, as if she couldn't breathe. I managed to get her untangled from the computer cords, as this happened while she was on the towel covered box on the battery back up.

She ok, or as ok as she can be right now, but we needed to have her seen by the vet.

Vet said it was an idiopathic seizure. And since it's not happening all the time, and that she is bright and alert (even though with all our feeding her she's still losing weight) and eating, drinking, walking around, using her litter box, she will be with us for a while longer.
When we got home, I warmed a plate, cut up some beef on the warm plate so it wouldn't cook, and carried it into the room where she was. She poked her head out of the top of the basket and YOWLED to be fed. Ate everything, and tube treat! Yeah, she will be here for a while longer. Just weeks, but it will have to be enough.

When  she can't get around on her own, or starts soiling herself, and refusing to eat anything.... then it will be 'that time'.

Keito, two plus weeks post op

He's definitely put some weight back on. He no longer has bony face/cheeks.  Also, his back doesn't feel like a stegosaurus, meaning weight gain. Called South Street Vet to postpone Keito's fructosamine test, as he was at the vet overnight a few times the past month, and his BGLs were fine.  Since we are concentrating on his having Chemo, the fructosamine test can wait.

Ziggy still has her cough, but it's not as severe.  The Bisolvon works to break up the mucus, but turns her into a very sleepy cat.  And when that happens Wing wrings his hands in worry.  Today, Ziggy has only had one coughing episode, and it was over in less than a minute.  If she has another, we will dose her with the Bisolvon, and she will end up sleeping the night through.  As long as she isn't in any discomfort, is eating, drinking, and doing other cat things, she will stay with us.  We know time is limited, but we will love her as long as she is with us.

Vet report on Keito

Vet report on Keito - the vet was very pleased at Keito's recovery. Not only has the surgical site healed perfectly, our moggie has put on some weight. He should be seeing how much he's been catching up on missed meals.

Regarding the diagnosis of lymphoma: There are three treatments.

We could just treat the symptoms, which would suppress them a while, and it will come raging back in 3 to 6 months.

Another option: there is a treatment for small cell lymphoma. It does work, but it's toxic. Keito doesn't have small cell lymphoma. So gave that one the flick.

Third option: It's the most used one. It has a 25% chance of cure (wishful thinking) and a 75% chance of a 1 to 3 (or longer)  year remission. The protocol is given by weight, so his low weight isn't an issue. AND because the lymphoma was caught early, gives him a damned good chance of remission. We have chosen option three. The vet said I have reasonable expectations. Sure, a cure would be great, but that is a slim chance. He said remission is very likely.

Also discussed Ziggy and her coughing. We were given the name of an OTC cough remedy that would work to break up the mucus. It's not a cure, but it will help her breathing. As long as she eats, does other cat things, and her gums are pink and her ears are pink and warm, she will stay with us.

Ziggy Update (and other sundries)

Ziggy seems to be holding her own.  Instead of feeding her twice a day, been giving her small meals throughout the day.  Still pinning hopes on the CBD oil arriving soon enough to be of use to her. I gave her a catnip leaf, and she enjoyed it. Got her to eat a bit more, and she's resting comfortably now on two heated wheat bags.

Keito:  he's had his course of antibiotics.  His eating is still hit and miss, meaning sometimes we have to follow him and put the dish of food in front of him to make him eat.  Have scheduled an appointment for him to have a glucose curve test, 7am tomorrow morning.

I know pets are ephemeral, and live faster than we humans, but having two ill, one with a terminal illness, at the same time, is breaking my heart.   I feel so helpless.

I've been getting intermittent shooting pains down the back of my thigh. Seeing as I had a spinal fusion, it's not sciatica.  Could be that I missed a few doses of my dystonia meds, and stress has been on the high side the past few weeks.  *sigh* 

No stiff upper lip here.

Our girl Ziggy is at the vet, where she will get xrays first thing in the morning.  The vet is concerned that the cancer she had last year, has metastasized.  It was something we were told could happen.

Regardless of the results tomorrow, we will do what is best for Ziggy. We gave her an extra year by treating the cancer last year. I'm a blubbering mess right now.